Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
