I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Woke up backwards on a recliner
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
