I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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