8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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