You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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