you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
