you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize