So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
