remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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