You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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