Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
