Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
