my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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