My first STD was from a foam party
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
