I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
