you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
