Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize