I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
