You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
