so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize