dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Randomize
