so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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