u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
