Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
