Your mouth is God's brothel.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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