i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
nutella sex= disaster
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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