My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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