The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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