you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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