Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
