What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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