I need help removing her.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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