There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
