My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
