i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
