You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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