i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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