Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
