Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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