i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
