**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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