dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize