I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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