Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
