I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
