Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
