If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
