You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
