no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
