goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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