recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I AM VODKA MAN
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
