Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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