Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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