you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
