Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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