well I can't set my house on fire every night
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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