so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
