Screwed.edu
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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