i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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