She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize