if only i could text you this smell
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have tasted many bathrooms
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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