Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
