Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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