WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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