Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize